To My Sweet Girls,
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I haven't been home and that, when I have, I've been tired and distracted. I'm sorry that I've had to say "no" when you've asked me to play with you because I've had to study. I'm sorry that I haven't been the best mom I can be. I will try to do better. You deserve better.
This semester has been frustrating and unfulfilling. It has seemed like a waste of time and energy to drive back and forth to New Haven when I could be with you instead. But this thing I'm doing is a labor of love. Just as I worked to bring you three into this world, I'm working to provide you--all of us--with a better life. I'm doing this because it's my passion, because I want to make a difference for women and babies, and because I want to show you what it means to be a strong woman and to pursue your dreams (no matter what).
Over the past weeks, I've been repeating the following mantra to myself:
"I am grateful. I am strong. I am loved."
What I want you to know is this:
I am grateful for you and for your Daddy. We are all healthy, happy, and though our life is often messy and chaotic, it is always beautiful if we look hard enough. I am grateful for Yale, the friends I've made here, and the opportunities an Ivy League education will afford us. I am grateful that for our extended family, your schools, and our nanny. I could not do this without our support system. Knowing you are loved and cared for when I'm away fills me with peace.
I am strong because of you. Through carrying and birthing you, I learned my own strength. I will be forever grateful for this gift you've given me, and I hope that I can help you discover your own power as you grow into young women.
I am loved, and I love. Deeply and with abandon. I can't imagine life without you, sweet babies, or without your Dad. It is true, what they say about love. It's all you need, and we are rich in it.
So, though there are moments that I want to give up and times where you are probably frustrated with me...please know that we are so blessed, in so many ways. Daddy and I could not be happier to be on this wild, crazy, challenging, silly, joy-filled journey of life with the three of you. We are grateful. We are strong. We are loved. And we love you.
-Momma
