Tuesday, February 19, 2013

It's All Relative

Ever since I had Nola, I've been ruminating on how different it is, parenting the third time around.  When you have your first child, it's a HUGE adjustment.  Your world is turned upside down by this tiny person, you're overwhelmed by how much you can love another human being, you don't sleep (either because the newbie won't let you or because you just can't stop staring at that sweet face), and you're worried that you'll somehow screw it up--which you will (at least a little), but life will go on...only you don't know that yet.

Then baby #2 comes along.  This usually happens when baby #1 is two or more years old, unless you're insane like us.  (Those people probably aren't reading this blog, though, because they're too busy changing diapers and/or crying.)  Again, there's an adjustment period.  You have to learn the balancing act of caring for two kids.  Any guilt you had about adding another child to your family dissipates as you watch your babies bond.  Life is good.

And then comes numero tres.  Let's just say that things are more lax with the third child.  

My first baby took a bath every. single. day.  My third baby never gets dirty. She bathes...occasionally. 

My first baby wore really, really cute outfits.  My third baby wears pajamas 99% of the time.  If it's one piece and doesn't require socks, it's a winner.  Convenience>cute.

My first baby took regular naps.  My third baby has not had a single uninterrupted nap since her birth.  Someone is always kissing or poking her.                                                                     

My first baby began her solid food experience with rice cereal.  My third baby was forced to sample a piece of her sister's toenail. True story.                                                                                             

My first baby was an overachiever.  Okay, not really. She was just my only babe, so we spent a lot of time working on rolling over, sitting, crawling, learning sign language, memorizing the periodic table, etc.  My third baby has mastered the art of...nursing?  Being worn?                                                                                              

My first baby was never sat on or loved too aggressively.  My third baby is often mistaken for a pillow or plaything by her siblings.

My first baby was constantly being blinded from the flash of my camera.  My third baby will someday wonder if she was adopted when she realizes there is little documentation of her early years. 

And so on, and so forth.  I'd imagine by the time you get to baby #4, any ideas you had about being a mom prior to having children have totally gone out the window.  There's a learning curve to this parenting thing.  As soon as you think you've got it figured out, something changes and you have to readjust.  It's a challenge, but it's also part of the beauty of motherhood.  There are no rules.  Nothing is set in stone.  We're all just doing the best we can with what we know, regardless of whether we're parenting our first child or our sixth child.  It's all relative.

Have any good "first vs. subsequent child" stories? Feel free to share in the comments section. I'd love to hear them!

4 comments:

  1. This post terrifies me a lot less. :-)

    Btw, people on ipads won't be able to comment with captcha enabled. Just an FYI.

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  2. Albums and albums of the first baby. Maybe one album of the second. :)

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  3. My kids are now 25, 27, and 29 (three in less than four years.)

    First child: Doting parents.
    Second child: Less attentive parents.
    Third child: Raised by wolves.

    First child: Tons of photos, many alone.
    Second child: Very few pictures alone; nearly all with older sibling.
    Third child: Pictures? What pictures? (Digital cameras have changed this.)

    First child, first day of school: Tears (me, not her), assurances, pictures taken.
    Second child, first day of school: Assurances, pictures taken, put on the bus with sibling.
    Third child, first day of school: Scoot out the door and catch that bus, you three!

    The first and second children (both girls, 19 mo. apart) went through many stages together (learning to ride bike, swimming lessons); they are still very close though they live thousands of miles apart. The third (boy, 27 mo. younger) has never felt he was shorted in any way.

    Did they all get the same attention? No. Does that warp them permanently? No. Children are not alike; they do not -- and should not -- be raised identically.

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  4. Love the school one! Haha! Thank you for sharing. I agree that every child is different and should be raised accordingly. It's something that I never understood before I had kids. Each of my girls is so different, though. It would be impossible to parent them all exactly the same.

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