Losing Control: Raia's Birth

As previously mentioned, the decision to have another baby a mere 6 months after Aislinn was born was totally insane.  I'm still not quite sure where my head was at.  I was a young, unmarried mom and college student who had already been through the "you're ruining your life" ringer once, and here I was doing it again (willingly!). 

When we announced the pregnancy, we pretty much got the reactions you'd expect:  "Oh. Good for you...I guess."  "Are you going to get married now?  You really should, you know."  "You're crazy."  "Don't you know how that happens?" Blah, blah, blah.  I'll admit that even I struggled with conflicting emotions.  Was I taking away from Aislinn by adding a sibling?  Was it fair to her? To the baby?  Would the financial pressure on Joel be too much?  Was I ready to be a mother of two?    

Well, you're never really ready to have a baby, whether you think you are or not, and whether it's your first or your fifth.  Every baby is different, every new addition rocks your world (at least for awhile), and at some point after you become a mother, you realize that you need to relinquish control. For me, that realization didn't really take hold until after Raia was born.  

The pregnancy itself was uneventful, but life was tumultuous.  My dad was hospitalized unexpectedly, Joel took a huge pay cut  and family drama seemed like it was at an all-time high for awhile.  As I approached my due date, my fears grew.  I was nervous about labor (when you have them that close together, you remember what it's like all too well), and I was feeling tremendous guilt about cutting Aislinn's babyhood short.  My emotional hesitation became physical hesitation and I experienced some prodromal labor leading up to the birth.  Thankfully, we had decided to birth in the ABC (Alternative Birthing Center) at the hospital with a midwife this time, so I was "allowed" to let nature take its course.  Here's the full story:

"The night after I was due, I had 12 hours of regular, painful contractions. We arrived at the hospital after 8 hours of laboring at home, but since I was only 3cm they sent me home and said they'd see me in a few hours. We went home, and I laid down on the couch to rest. At some point I fell asleep and when I woke up I was no longer contracting. This was so frustrating...12 hours of "labor" for nothing!

The next day, I had some contractions but nothing consistent. On Wednesday morning, I had an appointment. I was just over 3cm dilated (still), and she stripped my membranes.  About 3 hours later, I started contracting. They were pretty painful, but not regular, so I went about my day as usual. Around 7pm they became more frequent and regular, but after the Monday night ordeal, I wasn't very optimistic. I went to bed at 10pm, but was only able to sleep between contractions because they kept waking me up. Finally at 5am I couldn't take it anymore (they were two minutes apart and pretty painful), so I hopped in the shower while my husband got everything ready to go. At 7:30am this morning, we were admitted to the alternative birthing center at the hospital. I was 5cm. The baby wasn't reacting at all to the contractions, so they had me sit and drink some juice while they monitored me for awhile. Finally she perked up, so they let me get in the tub. I alternated laboring in the tub (wonderful!), on the birthing ball, and walking around the room. 

At 11:30am they checked me and I was only 6cm, so I agreed to let them break my water. Things got intense very quickly. The pain went from tough but manageable to almost unbearable within seconds. I was very vocal during this time, which was a little scary for me because it made me feel out of control.  (Looking back, I now feel that that was what I needed to do in order to get her out.  It was instinctual.) Very shortly after she broke my water, I had my midwife check me and I was 8cm. The next time she checked me I was 9.5. A few contractions later I was finally 10. I'm not sure exactly how long I pushed, but my guess is about 40 minutes. She was in an odd position, so it was slow going at first. I couldn't find a comfortable position to push in, and she was so low that I had a lot of back pain. Finally, though, she made her grand entrance, and once her head and shoulders were out, I reached down, pulled the rest of her out, and held her in my arms for the first time." 

8lbs 13oz and 20.5 in

Getting to know each other

Aislinn meeting "Yaya" (she wasn't able to pronounce Raia. The nickname stuck.)

Baby kisses!

Life with two babies was crazy and chaotic at times, but I maintain to this day that Raia was the greatest gift we could have given Aislinn (and now, of course, the same is true about Nola).  It's incredible to witness the bond form between them and evolve as they grow.